Passion Power and Purpose

As we round out the end of 2010, take some time over the holidays to celebrate your 2010. Here are a few ways to do that:

1. Make a list of all the events and happenings that you never expected at the beginning of 2010. What did you learn and how did you grow in the process? Let this list help you to understand that there are some things you have no control over. Manage your efforts and let go of the outcomes and remember to enjoy the ride along the way.
   

   Contemplate Your 2010

2. Create a detailed gratitude list of everything and everyone you are grateful for. Look at this list at least once a day. Harness the power of gratitude and spread it to others. You’ll be amazed at what will happen.
3. Make a list of all that you accomplished and that you are proud of. Be sure to celebrate this list in a significant way. Yay me!!

Now, what intentions do you want to set for 2011? Let your 2010 lists launch you into 2011 and begin creating a vision for an excellent year ahead. Collect pictures and phrases for your dream board, write about them, meditate on them and most of all, be open to the opportunities that will come your way to help you create your dreams.

Wishing you a great 2011!

The other day I re-learned the value of quickly taking responsibility for my mistakes.

You see I discovered that my pharmacy had recently sent me home with the wrong prescription for my daughter. Now I discovered this about 2 weeks after the fact and with the wrong medication in hand (one from an old prescription), went to the pharmacy to have it corrected as I assumed THEY made the mistake. As I was in an impatient mood that day, this was not my best ‘executive’ decision as it turned out.

I went to the pharmacy and told them what happened and asked for the correct medication as I assumed THEY made the mistake (a conclusion I had come to). Why should I pay for something that I didn’t ask for and didn’t want?

After some discussion they told me that I could not return the medicine which left me annoyed and frustrated and that I had agreed to the re-fill for the wrong medication. That was their policy and so be it. They did agree to phone the doctor and get the OK for the correct medication which I could pick up at a later day. Fine.

I left the pharmacy feeling frustrated and even more annoyed and went back home. As I calmed down I knew what was coming. I was realizing that I needed to take responsibility for my part in the mix up and that I had acted like a bit of a schmuck. It was time to make amends and I wasn’t looking forward to it. I know however that I had to do it for ME and no one else.

So, later that day I went to the pharmacy and stood in line to see the same woman who helped me out earlier. I waited and waited as she was on the phone helping out someone else. This was my opportunity to turn around and bolt but I didn’t. Then when it was my turn at the counter, bless her, she didn’t even cringe. I probably would have.

I apologized to her for my part in the mix up, after all it is my responsibility to check the bag before I leave to be sure I have the correct items. And the fact that I was in a hurry and preparing for a trip and had a ‘million’ things to do didn’t count as a excuse. After I said my ‘I’m sorry for being a schmuck” speech, she was at a loss for words.  She seemed truly shocked and very relieved. I could tell that this was not something that happens every day. She then apologized about the mix up and offered to look into a refund. That was not my intention as I fully appreciate the policy against medication refunds. I just wanted to apologize and release my appropriately earned guilt.

After doing this, I could immediately feel the freedom that releasing guilt can give. In fact I felt great. This transformed into my having a wonderful day and spreading positive to the many others I met that day. I’m guessing that my pharmacist also had a much better day as well.

So, what are the benefits of making amends for our part? This list includes many:

• an immediate release of earned guilt
• the mending of a relationship (now I can go back to the pharmacy, head held high)
• spreading positive energy to others (the pharmacist and everyone she and I met or talked with that day met with a happier person)
• unexpected bonuses (the pharmacy insisted on giving me a refund anyway)
• and any unknown ripple effects that are still going on as a result

Remember, when you are wrong one of the best things you can do for yourself and others is to take responsibility for YOUR part and make appropriate amends. You may find that the other person may or may not take responsibility for their part, but that’s not your business. They may also choose NOT to accept your apology and you’ll take your chances here. Just remember that the amends process is first and foremost, something you do for you and once done, you will reap the rewards.

Wishing you great experiences.

I was recently reminded how powerful it is to mind my own business and let others mind theirs. My daughter was recently prescribed medication and like many kids, thinks it tastes “yucky”. So, like so many well meaning parents and friends, I had the perfect technique for taking medication based on my  experience. In my view, the best way to do it is to quickly take it and then follow up with something tasty to drink.  You know, get it over with fast and move on. My daughter on the other hand had her own technique in mind. She decided the best way to take her medication is a few sips at a time, followed with some ground black pepper, a bite of bagel, and some root

beer. Yikes! After some discussion about why my technique is better (and her holding her ground) I remembered that the end goal was for her to take her medicine and for us to maintain a great relationship. So against my ‘better’ judgment, I let her take it her way even though the idea of combining rootbeer and black pepper turned my stomach. Yuk!

The first day it took her an hour to take her medicine and by the third day, it was under a minute! And all this with no arguments. Wonderful! The end result was that everyone was happy and and she was easily taking her medicine on her own. Yay!

So often in life we think we have the BEST way to do something and we forget that there are many, many ways to achieve the same result.

We get so intent on being right and proving how smart we are that we forget about the value of the relationship. We may have proven ourselves ‘right’ but we end up damaging our most important relationships with the people we care about.

Here are some tips for Minding Your Own Business:

• Remember that there are many ways to achieve the end goal and your way might not be the best way for that person.
• Check your motives – are you practicing unconditional love or are you being self righteous? Are you ‘gifts’ being delivered with strings attached?
• Whose business are you in really? There are only three people’s business you can be in: yours (yay!), someone else’s, and God’s/Creator’s/The Universe’s. If you’re not in your business, then who’s managing your life?

One of the greatest gifts you can give someone else is the dignity of managing their own life and sometimes that means letting them make a few mistakes along the way. Support and encourage them as they find the best way for them. Because after all, if you are busy minding other people’s business who’s minding yours?

Recently I have been ending my communications with the line “Wishing you great experiences!” because when I spent a few minutes thinking about what I really wished for those in my life, the answer came back… Great Experiences!

A recent book promoted and written by Gallup researchers called Wellbeing: The Five Essential Elements supports my thinking. It discusses the relationship between money and happiness with the conclusion that money can buy happiness. The real key however, is that it buys good experiences. And good experiences includes giving, gift giving and the expression of gratitude. Now why is that? Because with experiences you get more bang for your buck. Think about it. There is the planning stage – fun! Think about how you feel when planning your next vacation. The experience and anticipation has already started. Then of course, the time when you are actively engaged in doing the thing itself. And of course, for months and even years afterwards, the memories from the experience. That’s a lot of value for your $$. Now compare the boost you get from a material purchase. It lasts for a while but wears off over time.

There are also experiences of giving and expressing gratitude. Finding the perfect gift for someone, planning a special event or doing something for someone, or something as simple as writing out a thank you card. These are all great experiences that last much longer and create a sense of wellbeing for the giver and the reciever.  

And of course, many wonderful experiences don’t have to cost a penny: watching the sunset, giving a loved one a hug or a kiss, listening to the birds sing, enjoying a walk outdoors, phoning a friend, spending time with your children or grandchildren. 

So as we are about to embark on another great summer here in Winnipeg, my greatest wish for you, where ever you are, is many, many great experiences!

Feeling and expressing gratitude is one of the best things we can do for others as well as ourselves. When you are feeling thankful for what you have in your life, you will see more great things come your way. Let’s face it, gratitude is powerful.  This goes for our kids as well as ourselves. Here are a few ways to help your kids learn to express and feel gratitude for what they have:

• Before bed have them talk about their favourite part of the day. It’s a great way for them to go to bed thinking of the positives of the day, instead of what didn’t go as they would have liked. Thanks to Jodi Lee for this tip!
• Before dinner, have everyone share something they are thankful for. Here anything goes. The idea is to focus on the little and big blessings in life.
• If your kids come home from school complaining  about  something, have them name three things they are grateful for before they talk of their complaint. This is a great way to dilute the feelings of frustration and chances are they won’t feel like complaining anymore.
• Have them think of something they are thankful for, and then talk about who was involved in bringing them that blessing. For example, my daughter loves ice-cream so she would mention: the cow, the farmer, the delivery truck driver, the people who market and make the ice-cream, the product sales person, the grocery store manager, the checkout person, who ever bought the ice-cream (me or my husband), the people who were involved involved in making the scoop and cone, etc. You get the picture. Makes you realize just how much we depend on each other.

Try a few of these and soon you and your kids will begin to reap the benefits of expressing gratitude daily. Have fun and enjoy!

Question: How do you help your kids express gratitude for their blessings?

A new season often brings thoughts of new desires or plans for changes in many areas of our lives. Perhaps for many of us the New Year or New Decade is the season that draws this out. As the new year starts we begin focusing on our new ‘resolution’ or goal and soon enough, we find that we have lost our momentum, or that we have moved back to old habits and we’re back to where we started.  

Why does this happen? Well, one reason is that we may not have made space for the change we want in our life. We are still living with old clutter, whether it be mental, emotional or physical (hint: they usually go hand in hand). There simply is no room for more, no matter how fantastic it might be. Before we can move forward we need to do a real house cleaning; mentally, emotionally and physically.

Here are some quick tips for clearing away old, mental clutter to make way for the new:

1. Take an inventory of what you DO on a daily basis. Keep what you like and what moves you towards your goals and get rid of the rest. Look at what brings you joy - be sure to keep it. If it drags you down - get rid of it, delegate or renegotiate your part in it. Be ruthless! After all, this is your life.
2. If you constantly associate the word SHOULD with a task, take a good look at it. It’s likely associated with unearned guilt or someone else’s agenda. And it’s taking up your life space! Be ruthless.
3. Look at how many activities are you spending your time on.  How much energy does it take to switch tasks? We often forget that there is considerable energy in ‘multi-tasking’ when we try to focus on more than one thing at a time. Think about how much time it takes to move from one task to another, and then refocus on the next. This is called switching time. Count how many times a day you do this and you will soon know how much time your mult-tasking is costing you. Whoever said you can get more done multi-tasking was probably doing the assigning and passing out the to-do list. It doesn’t work. Decide what you want to focus on, cut out the distractions and focus on one thing at a time. You will get more done in the end.
4. Focus on the most important instead of the urgent. The important will move you towards long term goals and much of the ‘urgent’ will take care of itself. Those that don’t take care of themselves will likely be fewer in number and less often. When you give energy and attention to the important you will find that less ‘urgent’ things will come up on your list.
5. Examine your thoughts. Are you focusing negative energy on some specific areas? If so, you are spending precious time and energy on something that likely doesn’t deserve it. My suggestion…take some time to examine your thinking around this (hint: download the One Belief at a Time worksheet from Byron Katie).

This brings me to a very simple saying that you’ve likely heard before: Less is More. And it certainly is. Cut out the clutter and you will soon find you have more time, energy and more resources for the things that bring you joy in your life. And…you deserve more joy.

Occasionally I meet people who say they don’t know what their passions are. In many cases they are excited about the idea of  finding out what their passions are and getting clear on how to move towards them. Sometimes however, they are not. This always amazes me and I ask myself why wouldn’t someone want to move towards a life that is full of passion, fulfillment, excitement and joy? Finding out what your passions are is one of the greatest gifts one can receive. Why would someone choose not to know?

The likely answer is FEAR in one of its many forms. After all the first step to living a passionate life is Commitment, that is making a strong commitment to yourself to choose in favor of your passions when ever you are faced with a choice, decision or opportunity. For some people this brings up any of a number of fears:

• fear of not being capable
• fear of stepping outside of their comfort zone
• fear that following their passion may cause conflict in their relationships and especially those clsoe to them
• fear that it may require a lot of work
• issues around deservibility
• fear of failing
• fear of being ridiculed or judged by others
• that is may cost money
• etc., etc., etc.

There are many fears that come up when we choose to follow our passions and this is a normal part of the process. Its the area where we will be stretched to grow beyond where we are now, to reach for something bigger and greater and unknown. Overcoming your fears is part of the journey and in many ways, what makes it worthwhile. After all, who would want to travel down a fast-flowing and beautiful river, without taking in every moment of the ride along the way?

Question…What fears are holding you back from living your passions?

As we approach the end of the summer and the kids get ready to start a new school year, I find myself feeling that familiar time of new beginnings. I’m fortunate that my home-based office gives me the flexibility to spend extra time with my girls during the summer months when they are still happy to hang out with me. As the back-to-school season approaches I find myself gearing up for an exciting fall with my Passion Power and Purpose business and thinking about getting my momentum going after two wonderfully relaxing months.

So…how to create momentum after a period of downtime? I use a little trick called The $10 Touch. Here’s how it works:

Humans are  naturally inclined to be pain adverse; to do what ever we have habitually done because it is easier. Changing habits, even if they are good for us, requires that we behave in a different way for a long enough period of time to create a new habit. Many say this takes about 28 days. I would guess even more, or at least 28 days of CONSISTENT behaviour change.

So how do we do this? Many have tried the WILL POWER  approach but that seldom works. Ask anyone who has made a New Year’s resolution. Will power works for a while but is rarely enough. What DOES work however, is The $10 Touch because it gets at what we humans are naturally inclined towards: pain avoidance.

Here are the steps to create your $10 Touch:

1. Decide what you want to change and be realistic about it. If you haven’t done any sit ups last week or for several weeks, saying that you will start doing 50 a day is not realistic for you. Start with deciding to do at least one a day (one always leads to more!) or a minimum of one for two or three days during the week. That would likely be more realistic for you and you can increase it the next week to two. Create a contract around this change.
2. Get an Accountability Partner that will hold you to your commitment and follow through with your consequence when you don’t keep your part of the contract. Likely your life-partner or spouse is not the best choice for this as they are more likely to be soft on you and help you with excuses because, hey…they love you! In the end, this is not going to help you create your new habit.
3. Decide on a consequence that you will experience if you don’t keep your agreement. It should be something that is more painful to you than following through with the behaviour change. Giving money to a family member or a charity is NOT a good consequence as it  will give you good feelings knowing your money will go to a good cause. Better to give it towards a cause you dislike.
4. Connect with your Accountability Partner to report on your results.
5. Receive your consequence when you don’t follow through.

Here’s how I used this to change my daily routine and build momentum in my business:

I call this The $10 Touch. I connected with my Accountability Partner and agreed that I would do one thing each day to move me towards my business goals. At the time I was just starting Passion Power Purpose and my to-do list was HUGE! I was excited about what I was doing but my habit was to do other things because my mind said “this is more important” or “when you finish this”  and as the day went on, I never moved forward. Basically I was avoiding and felt overwhelmed not knowing where to start.  

My contract was that I would give her $10 each day I didn’t do one concrete thing towards my business building goals. I would email her with what I did either that night or the next day. For me it wasn’t the $10, but the pain of hurt pride in giving her any money because I didn’t keep my promise to myself. So for several weeks I did my ONE THING daily and emailed her a quick note about what I did. Before long I had developed a new habit and created some great momentum in my business. I loved the feeling I got each day I emailed my accomplishment and it became EASY to do my one thing. Only twice did I pay her $10 and knew that I was consciously making that decision as I went to bed tired at the end of the day.

So after taking some time off with my girls this summer, its time to resurrect the $10 Touch becaues I know it works. I invite you to do the same. Decide what you want to change, choose something realistic to do differently, get an accountability partner, decide on a consequence, and create a way to report back on your progress.

Enjoy your new habit and the wonderful feeling of creating momentum towards your ideal life!

Question…What new habit would you like to create?

This month, on June 26th,  a very exciting event is taking place at my daughter’s school. For the first time ever, the Passion Test for Kids will be presented in a school setting – at her grade 5 class, here in Winnipeg, Manitoba. This event is especially exciting because Samantha, a Certified Junior Passion Test Facilitator, will be leading her classmates through the Passion Test for Kids workshop with some help from mom. And to help us launch this program, Janet Bray Attwood, co-author of New York Times best seller The Passion Test, will be here to join us for this exciting event. (see the EVENTS page for Winnipeg workshops with Janet)

Samantha with Janet and Chris Attwood

Now let me say that I’m excited about this being a First, and that we are doing this here in Winnipeg. However I’m REALLY most excited for the kids. Unlike when I was young, these kids will be shown tools to assist them to get clear on what they love and value most in life. They’ll be shown how to keep their passions in mind when they are making daily choices. And how they can continue to follow their passions throughout their lives, creating a life of joy and fulfillment.  

Why is this important? Just look around you. How many people do you know who are fulfilled and happy in thier work? Not many I’ll bet. In a 2005 study by Harris Interactive, it was found that 4 out of 5 American workers were unhappy in their chosen work. I’ll bet those numbers are similar or even higher now. And it’s very likely that Canadian workers are feeling much the same as well.

What if we could reverse those statistics so that 4 out of 5 workers were happy and fulfilled in the work they do? Imagine what our world would be like then. Most every where you go, you’d be greeted by people who were doing what they loved – what was fun for them. How much fun would that be? For them and us. When I say this to people they say “Well then who would do the jobs that nobody likes? Somebody has to do them.” I don’t know the answer to this one but I’ll be that our working world as we know it would change, and change for the better too.

This is what we are working towards with the Passion Test for Kids program. To help kids to keep their passions alive as they grow up and make career decisions. And to help them to be grown-ups who love their lives in every way.

Question…When you were young, what were you most passionate about? And did you follow this passion in your adult years?

Me and Stinky. Photo courtesy of Evan Kuz.

So you got a case of Stinkin’ Thinkin’? You know what I mean…those negative thoughts and beliefs that keep you from living the life you really want. Have you ever stopped to think about how much credibility you give these thoughts? I’ll bet quite a bit. Certainly a lot more than your good thoughts, I’ll bet.

Sometimes Stinkin’ Thinkin’ is a little voice providing you with a running commentary. You know – your inner critic. The one who has an opinion about EVERYTHING. This voice has been with you a long time but have you ever stopped to think just how much attention you should be giving it? Sometimes this inner critic has something to say but often it just goes on and on and on.

Here are a few tips for dealing with your Inner Critic:

• Create  a character image of your Inner Critic. Give it a name and characteristics if you like. Here is a picture of my Inner Critic. I found him at Chapters. His name is Stinky the Monkey and he love to chatter just for the sake of being heard. Crazy little guy!
• When your Inner Critic is hanging around you can say “Thanks for caring, but not for sharing!” Now…go away!
• Remember who your Inner Critic works for. Ya…that’s right. The Committe of THEY. Also referred to as The Committee. They’re the ones people are always talking about when you hear “Well…you know what THEY say.” or “They say you shold…” Really now. Who appointed The Committee as the ultimate authority on your life???
• Mentally put him/her aside while you carry on with your life. After all, who’s in charge of your thinking anyway? Guess what. Its you.

Question…What are your favorite ways to deal with your Inner Critic and what character is he/she?