Passion Power and Purpose

Recently I have been ending my communications with the line “Wishing you great experiences!” because when I spent a few minutes thinking about what I really wished for those in my life, the answer came back… Great Experiences!

A recent book promoted and written by Gallup researchers called Wellbeing: The Five Essential Elements supports my thinking. It discusses the relationship between money and happiness with the conclusion that money can buy happiness. The real key however, is that it buys good experiences. And good experiences includes giving, gift giving and the expression of gratitude. Now why is that? Because with experiences you get more bang for your buck. Think about it. There is the planning stage - fun! Think about how you feel when planning your next vacation. The experience and anticipation has already started. Then of course, the time when you are actively engaged in doing the thing itself. And of course, for months and even years afterwards, the memories from the experience. That’s a lot of value for your $$. Now compare the boost you get from a material purchase. It lasts for a while but wears off over time.

There are also experiences of giving and expressing gratitude. Finding the perfect gift for someone, planning a special event or doing something for someone, or something as simple as writing out a thank you card. These are all great experiences that last much longer and create a sense of wellbeing for the giver and the reciever.  

And of course, many wonderful experiences don’t have to cost a penny: watching the sunset, giving a loved one a hug or a kiss, listening to the birds sing, enjoying a walk outdoors, phoning a friend, spending time with your children or grandchildren. 

So as we are about to embark on another great summer here in Winnipeg, my greatest wish for you, where ever you are, is many, many great experiences!

Feeling and expressing gratitude is one of the best things we can do for others as well as ourselves. When you are feeling thankful for what you have in your life, you will see more great things come your way. Let’s face it, gratitude is powerful.  This goes for our kids as well as ourselves. Here are a few ways to help your kids learn to express and feel gratitude for what they have:

• Before bed have them talk about their favourite part of the day. It’s a great way for them to go to bed thinking of the positives of the day, instead of what didn’t go as they would have liked. Thanks to Jodi Lee for this tip!
• Before dinner, have everyone share something they are thankful for. Here anything goes. The idea is to focus on the little and big blessings in life.
• If your kids come home from school complaining  about  something, have them name three things they are grateful for before they talk of their complaint. This is a great way to dilute the feelings of frustration and chances are they won’t feel like complaining anymore.
• Have them think of something they are thankful for, and then talk about who was involved in bringing them that blessing. For example, my daughter loves ice-cream so she would mention: the cow, the farmer, the delivery truck driver, the people who market and make the ice-cream, the product sales person, the grocery store manager, the checkout person, who ever bought the ice-cream (me or my husband), the people who were involved involved in making the scoop and cone, etc. You get the picture. Makes you realize just how much we depend on each other.

Try a few of these and soon you and your kids will begin to reap the benefits of expressing gratitude daily. Have fun and enjoy!

Question: How do you help your kids express gratitude for their blessings?

A new season often brings thoughts of new desires or plans for changes in many areas of our lives. Perhaps for many of us the New Year or New Decade is the season that draws this out. As the new year starts we begin focusing on our new ‘resolution’ or goal and soon enough, we find that we have lost our momentum, or that we have moved back to old habits and we’re back to where we started.  

Why does this happen? Well, one reason is that we may not have made space for the change we want in our life. We are still living with old clutter, whether it be mental, emotional or physical (hint: they usually go hand in hand). There simply is no room for more, no matter how fantastic it might be. Before we can move forward we need to do a real house cleaning; mentally, emotionally and physically.

Here are some quick tips for clearing away old, mental clutter to make way for the new:

1. Take an inventory of what you DO on a daily basis. Keep what you like and what moves you towards your goals and get rid of the rest. Look at what brings you joy - be sure to keep it. If it drags you down - get rid of it, delegate or renegotiate your part in it. Be ruthless! After all, this is your life.
2. If you constantly associate the word SHOULD with a task, take a good look at it. It’s likely associated with unearned guilt or someone else’s agenda. And it’s taking up your life space! Be ruthless.
3. Look at how many activities are you spending your time on.  How much energy does it take to switch tasks? We often forget that there is considerable energy in ‘multi-tasking’ when we try to focus on more than one thing at a time. Think about how much time it takes to move from one task to another, and then refocus on the next. This is called switching time. Count how many times a day you do this and you will soon know how much time your mult-tasking is costing you. Whoever said you can get more done multi-tasking was probably doing the assigning and passing out the to-do list. It doesn’t work. Decide what you want to focus on, cut out the distractions and focus on one thing at a time. You will get more done in the end.
4. Focus on the most important instead of the urgent. The important will move you towards long term goals and much of the ‘urgent’ will take care of itself. Those that don’t take care of themselves will likely be fewer in number and less often. When you give energy and attention to the important you will find that less ‘urgent’ things will come up on your list.
5. Examine your thoughts. Are you focusing negative energy on some specific areas? If so, you are spending precious time and energy on something that likely doesn’t deserve it. My suggestion…take some time to examine your thinking around this (hint: download the One Belief at a Time worksheet from Byron Katie).

This brings me to a very simple saying that you’ve likely heard before: Less is More. And it certainly is. Cut out the clutter and you will soon find you have more time, energy and more resources for the things that bring you joy in your life. And…you deserve more joy.

Occasionally I meet people who say they don’t know what their passions are. In many cases they are excited about the idea of  finding out what their passions are and getting clear on how to move towards them. Sometimes however, they are not. This always amazes me and I ask myself why wouldn’t someone want to move towards a life that is full of passion, fulfillment, excitement and joy? Finding out what your passions are is one of the greatest gifts one can receive. Why would someone choose not to know?

The likely answer is FEAR in one of its many forms. After all the first step to living a passionate life is Commitment, that is making a strong commitment to yourself to choose in favor of your passions when ever you are faced with a choice, decision or opportunity. For some people this brings up any of a number of fears:

• fear of not being capable
• fear of stepping outside of their comfort zone
• fear that following their passion may cause conflict in their relationships and especially those clsoe to them
• fear that it may require a lot of work
• issues around deservibility
• fear of failing
• fear of being ridiculed or judged by others
• that is may cost money
• etc., etc., etc.

There are many fears that come up when we choose to follow our passions and this is a normal part of the process. Its the area where we will be stretched to grow beyond where we are now, to reach for something bigger and greater and unknown. Overcoming your fears is part of the journey and in many ways, what makes it worthwhile. After all, who would want to travel down a fast-flowing and beautiful river, without taking in every moment of the ride along the way?

Question…What fears are holding you back from living your passions?

As we approach the end of the summer and the kids get ready to start a new school year, I find myself feeling that familiar time of new beginnings. I’m fortunate that my home-based office gives me the flexibility to spend extra time with my girls during the summer months when they are still happy to hang out with me. As the back-to-school season approaches I find myself gearing up for an exciting fall with my Passion Power and Purpose business and thinking about getting my momentum going after two wonderfully relaxing months.

So…how to create momentum after a period of downtime? I use a little trick called The $10 Touch. Here’s how it works:

Humans are  naturally inclined to be pain adverse; to do what ever we have habitually done because it is easier. Changing habits, even if they are good for us, requires that we behave in a different way for a long enough period of time to create a new habit. Many say this takes about 28 days. I would guess even more, or at least 28 days of CONSISTENT behaviour change.

So how do we do this? Many have tried the WILL POWER  approach but that seldom works. Ask anyone who has made a New Year’s resolution. Will power works for a while but is rarely enough. What DOES work however, is The $10 Touch because it gets at what we humans are naturally inclined towards: pain avoidance.

Here are the steps to create your $10 Touch:

1. Decide what you want to change and be realistic about it. If you haven’t done any sit ups last week or for several weeks, saying that you will start doing 50 a day is not realistic for you. Start with deciding to do at least one a day (one always leads to more!) or a minimum of one for two or three days during the week. That would likely be more realistic for you and you can increase it the next week to two. Create a contract around this change.
2. Get an Accountability Partner that will hold you to your commitment and follow through with your consequence when you don’t keep your part of the contract. Likely your life-partner or spouse is not the best choice for this as they are more likely to be soft on you and help you with excuses because, hey…they love you! In the end, this is not going to help you create your new habit.
3. Decide on a consequence that you will experience if you don’t keep your agreement. It should be something that is more painful to you than following through with the behaviour change. Giving money to a family member or a charity is NOT a good consequence as it  will give you good feelings knowing your money will go to a good cause. Better to give it towards a cause you dislike.
4. Connect with your Accountability Partner to report on your results.
5. Receive your consequence when you don’t follow through.

Here’s how I used this to change my daily routine and build momentum in my business:

I call this The $10 Touch. I connected with my Accountability Partner and agreed that I would do one thing each day to move me towards my business goals. At the time I was just starting Passion Power Purpose and my to-do list was HUGE! I was excited about what I was doing but my habit was to do other things because my mind said “this is more important” or “when you finish this”  and as the day went on, I never moved forward. Basically I was avoiding and felt overwhelmed not knowing where to start.  

My contract was that I would give her $10 each day I didn’t do one concrete thing towards my business building goals. I would email her with what I did either that night or the next day. For me it wasn’t the $10, but the pain of hurt pride in giving her any money because I didn’t keep my promise to myself. So for several weeks I did my ONE THING daily and emailed her a quick note about what I did. Before long I had developed a new habit and created some great momentum in my business. I loved the feeling I got each day I emailed my accomplishment and it became EASY to do my one thing. Only twice did I pay her $10 and knew that I was consciously making that decision as I went to bed tired at the end of the day.

So after taking some time off with my girls this summer, its time to resurrect the $10 Touch becaues I know it works. I invite you to do the same. Decide what you want to change, choose something realistic to do differently, get an accountability partner, decide on a consequence, and create a way to report back on your progress.

Enjoy your new habit and the wonderful feeling of creating momentum towards your ideal life!

Question…What new habit would you like to create?

This month, on June 26th,  a very exciting event is taking place at my daughter’s school. For the first time ever, the Passion Test for Kids will be presented in a school setting - at her grade 5 class, here in Winnipeg, Manitoba. This event is especially exciting because Samantha, a Certified Junior Passion Test Facilitator, will be leading her classmates through the Passion Test for Kids workshop with some help from mom. And to help us launch this program, Janet Bray Attwood, co-author of New York Times best seller The Passion Test, will be here to join us for this exciting event. (see the EVENTS page for Winnipeg workshops with Janet)

Samantha with Janet and Chris Attwood

Now let me say that I’m excited about this being a First, and that we are doing this here in Winnipeg. However I’m REALLY most excited for the kids. Unlike when I was young, these kids will be shown tools to assist them to get clear on what they love and value most in life. They’ll be shown how to keep their passions in mind when they are making daily choices. And how they can continue to follow their passions throughout their lives, creating a life of joy and fulfillment.  

Why is this important? Just look around you. How many people do you know who are fulfilled and happy in thier work? Not many I’ll bet. In a 2005 study by Harris Interactive, it was found that 4 out of 5 American workers were unhappy in their chosen work. I’ll bet those numbers are similar or even higher now. And it’s very likely that Canadian workers are feeling much the same as well.

What if we could reverse those statistics so that 4 out of 5 workers were happy and fulfilled in the work they do? Imagine what our world would be like then. Most every where you go, you’d be greeted by people who were doing what they loved - what was fun for them. How much fun would that be? For them and us. When I say this to people they say “Well then who would do the jobs that nobody likes? Somebody has to do them.” I don’t know the answer to this one but I’ll be that our working world as we know it would change, and change for the better too.

This is what we are working towards with the Passion Test for Kids program. To help kids to keep their passions alive as they grow up and make career decisions. And to help them to be grown-ups who love their lives in every way.

Question…When you were young, what were you most passionate about? And did you follow this passion in your adult years?

Me and Stinky. Photo courtesy of Evan Kuz.

So you got a case of Stinkin’ Thinkin’? You know what I mean…those negative thoughts and beliefs that keep you from living the life you really want. Have you ever stopped to think about how much credibility you give these thoughts? I’ll bet quite a bit. Certainly a lot more than your good thoughts, I’ll bet.

Sometimes Stinkin’ Thinkin’ is a little voice providing you with a running commentary. You know - your inner critic. The one who has an opinion about EVERYTHING. This voice has been with you a long time but have you ever stopped to think just how much attention you should be giving it? Sometimes this inner critic has something to say but often it just goes on and on and on.

Here are a few tips for dealing with your Inner Critic:

• Create  a character image of your Inner Critic. Give it a name and characteristics if you like. Here is a picture of my Inner Critic. I found him at Chapters. His name is Stinky the Monkey and he love to chatter just for the sake of being heard. Crazy little guy!
• When your Inner Critic is hanging around you can say “Thanks for caring, but not for sharing!” Now…go away!
• Remember who your Inner Critic works for. Ya…that’s right. The Committe of THEY. Also referred to as The Committee. They’re the ones people are always talking about when you hear “Well…you know what THEY say.” or “They say you shold…” Really now. Who appointed The Committee as the ultimate authority on your life???
• Mentally put him/her aside while you carry on with your life. After all, who’s in charge of your thinking anyway? Guess what. Its you.

Question…What are your favorite ways to deal with your Inner Critic and what character is he/she?

When I’m talking to people about living their passions, they sometimes say…I’m not really sure what it is that I love any more. I’ve forgotten what my passions are. In fact, many feel out of tune with what really moves them. So I say…go shopping for your passions. Check them out, try them on, see how they fit. Really.

Here are some ways to check out some possible new passions. Try these ideas when you don’t know where to start.

1. Look through magazines - lifestyle, travel, adventure, hobbies, etc.
2. Try a class on something you’ve never done before. You may decide you like it, or not. It may lead you to something entirely new.
3. Take a vacation to somewhere you’ve never been before.
4. Try out a potential new career with a part-time job.
5. Read a book - travel, adventure, biography, history. All these can be great places for inspiration.
6. Movies or television shows can offer a glimpse into a different vocation, lifestyle, people or places.
7. Check out a club, group or event on a topic that interests you. It’s a great way to meet people who have experience. Ask questions.
8. Interview someone who has done it before - what ever you are thinking of.
9. Volunteer to try out new experiences. You get to try AND help others at the same time! Bonus!
10. And of course…go shopping! Check out stores - online and off, drive through neighbourhoods, look through catalogues. See what moves you and what you may want to add to your experience.

Most importantly, have fun! This is a wonderful time to dream, expand your ideas and think waaaaaay outside the box. Have a good time with it. Life is meant to be a fantastic adventure!

Question…What are your favorite ways to go shopping for your passions? And what potential passion have you tried out lately?